Fighting Back
by Mei Zhen
Summary: When Scully gets a boyfriend, Mulder goes ballistic. He has to get Scully back somehow... and that's when he and Melissa start a plan to bring them together, with funny results!(MSR)Finished!
1. A Very Bad Start

Author Note, well more like Author Novel .LOL.: Ok... before anyone starts, this was a challenge. I am a Shipper, but I must have been having a bad day when I bumped into one of the Rabid Shippers, and I am not sure how we ended up yelling at each other... I had been saying how cool I had found Melissa Scully after she appeared in One Breath, and how I think Mulder liked her. I did not mean anything to do with romance, but that's how the Rabid understood it...  
  
And when she declared war, I defended myself and said something on the lines of ''You know what? If Mulder had not been crazy for Scully I think Mulder could have ended up with Melissa.'' And that's when she answered ''Prove it!'' and I ended up with some strange fanfic challenge...  
  
I realized my mistake when another fan told me ''Do you know what you have just done?'' with a wide-eyed smilie. I almost faint. Ooooooops! I was stuck with a challenge I could not get away from doing- that was out of pride. And as my fav book says: ''My honor is my life.'' I had to had Melissa and Mulder together in some way...  
  
And that's when the humor comes in. (Thanks for the idea to Tal... if it hadn't been for her, this AU would be rather tragic.) Everyone who came for serious fic.... Sorry, wrong way! * wink * (MSR for sure!) Oh yeah.... And I know Melissa died, but she is in here because I like her. LOL!  
  
* * * * *  
  
Scully stared at Mulder for a second. She had been telling him about what she had found in the toxicological analysis of the body they had found in Quantico, and suddenly, out of the blue, he had asked about that agent that had greeted them that Scully had found so nice.  
  
''What... what was that for?'' She asked him, with an odd look. It was none of his business. Why would he care abut what she did or didn't in her time off? She was sure he did not ask anyone else. He did not ask Skinner, so why should she even consider answering the question?  
  
Yeah, Agent Nigel Harris had been really nice to them. He was tall and lean, handsome. With deep green eyes and a warm stare, soft dark blond hair that fell over his eyes a bit, but could not hide his sincere look. He even believed that Mulder's theories were plausible! It was so difficult to find someone who actually thought about the paranormal with an open mind, but Nigel had even liked it! Scully felt off place. Things had seemed to go well at Quantico. What was his problem now?  
  
''I was thinking... He did say something about you going out with him sometime. Are you doing that?''  
  
''That would not matter to you.'' She simply replied, and continued reciting the chemical elements that had been found that were unusual and their functions. Mulder did not listen. He kept staring at the pencils that were pinned to the ceiling, as if they were a lot more interesting. In fact, they were. Even Scully thought so. But the point was that she was * working * there and he was not even bothering to listen to her.  
  
''.....''Mulder eyed her when she stopped the biochemical rant. When she finally saw his eyes, he looked hurt. Yes, it was that look that screamed 'Ouch!' that he had every time she snapped back at him. But this time she had not even been trying to offend him. She just changed topic. Great. Just great. He was getting his nose in her affairs and furthermore feeling left aside. ''Of course it's my business.''  
  
''I disagree.'' Scully said, then pointed at the results she held in her hand. ''Mulder, are you listening?''  
  
''You did not answer my question.''  
  
''Oh, please!'' Scully answered, exasperated, tossing the papers onto the table with an angry gesture. ''I am trying to work here and you are.... Staring at the pencils! You are not listening and you are worrying about some agent that asked me out when there could be anything paranormal out there! You know what, Mulder? That's strange even for you!'' She headed to the door and picked up her bag and coat. It was almost time to go, and feeling stuck in that small room with Mulder was starting to give her claustrophobia.  
  
Just as she opened the door, she noticed that he jumped right behind her and followed her as she made her way towards the main gate. She started walking down a long lane of desks where people answered phones and gathered files when he caught up with her.  
  
''I was just asking!'' He tried to justify himself. ''This Agent Harris was nice, you are right. That's exactly why!'' People started turning their heads towards them and leaving their paperwork untouched just to look at them. Soon the room was totally silent in matter of a quarter of a second. ''So you are going out or what?''  
  
''I repeat that is none of your business.' 'Scully said, trying to keep her voice low so that people would not be able to understand them. ''I am stuck at the basement with you for days and I am not supposed to have a night out with someone?''  
  
''So you * are * going out with that nerd!'' He said, with an incredulous look on his face. He looked offended. Offended, scorned. Jealous. But Scully had a limit. And having her in the middle of a mess with a big audience was too much even for her.  
  
''Nigel is not a nerd, and I did not say that!'' She yelled back, forgetting about the audience, that was having quite a show. Stupid Agent White had been sending a message to all the FBI computers speaking about them and saying that Mulder ended up ditching her ,a blonde bombshell, for his usual short redhead. And of course she implied something else than just professional terms. Since then, Mulder and Scully had been in observation. Every time people could hear them, they would shut up and listen, to see if they could get out something juicy out of the conversation.  
  
Even the Lone Gunmen had received that e-mail somehow- everyone wondered why- and they were sometimes trying to catch their cell phone conversations. Frohike was at the border of depression when he got the e- mail... but he called Agent White and of course that nymphomaniac would never hang up without a tease. Not even to Frohike. But that was another topic...  
  
''So now it's Nigel!'' Mulder said with a triumphant tune. He admitted to himself, with big surprise, that he was indeed jealous. And that was odd... He rarely found any occasion to be jealous at all. ''And you are implying that you would go out with him!''  
  
Scully noticed the others around her. They observed them as if they were watching a soap on tv. All of them interested and probably wondering what would happen next episode. Would Mulder's secret son recover the X-Files? Would Scully's evil twin sister show up and end up sleeping with Mulder? Would Krycek marry Marita and together they would scape to Canada hiding from the Evil Cancerman with Deep Throat's help? And would Mulder come with them hiding from Agent White? Would Deep Throat come back from the dead and prove that he was Mulder's father by sharing his paranoia? Would Byers be Mulder's long lost brother?  
  
All of those questions were coming to Scully's mind and she felt a bit green. This was far too much. As they stood in silence, one of the bureau's workers dropped some yogurt on the table. It fell with a 'splat!' and was definitely the noisiest thing in the room that second. Then Scully decided that had gone too far.  
  
''Listen now, Spooky.' 'She practically spat the last word, angry as she was, and this time Mulder did look really hurt. Target hit! Beep! Scully could almost hear his heart sink. Blop, blop. ''I am fed up with this tracking. What I do is my thing only, and you have no right to forbid anything , even less criticize. And now you are freaking out by a date I have not even taken. You know what? I * am * going out with Nigel. Assume it!''  
  
''Am I getting lectured by the Ice Queen or what?'' He snapped back.  
  
''That is Miss Ice Queen for you.'' Scully cut him. ''And no. Ice would melt after a while.'' She turned to the door and walked to bit, determined. The audience started clapping as she passed, and cheering. That made Scully keep telling herself that he deserved it. That he had been asking for it all along.  
  
But when she exited the building and turned the corner... Things changed. He had asked, and she practically kicked him away. There was no need to yell at him so, even if he was being nosy. She felt her start to get watery and her cheeks burn, but she refrained from running back into the building and disappear in one of those bear hugs that only left about 10 per cent of her visible. She sniffed. She could use one of those right now...  
  
* * * * *  
  
Mulder stood with his mouth open for several seconds, watching her go as a roar of laughter joined the clapping and the cheering. It's not as if he had not expected anyone to laugh at him. People at the FBI never really liked them anyway, except maybe for Skinner and Scully. And that's what became the strangest of all. Scully had been the one who had suddenly snapped back. And it stung him right in the ass. Ouch. He made the lost puppy dog face and shook his head. This was too bad.  
  
He had been nosy. Very nosy. And when he finally had gotten the answer he had been looking for he had reacted like a jealous boyfriend. He headed back into his lair, also called his office, and he closed the door behind him. He slammed his head against the table and sat there sulking for a while with his head laying down on the table. 'Ouch, that hurt.' He was not sure if he meant the slamming or what Scully had said. Maybe both.  
  
And then his mind started to work. He had to find someone who would help him. Someone who would not like Nigel better than him, at least. Let's see... what did Mulder have that Nigel didn't? He thought hard for a while. Nigel lived in a nice flat in the center, not in a cockroach hole. And he did not have freaky friends. And he did not have a nickname like Spooky. And his co- workers liked him. Even Mulder found him nice, dammit! And Nigel... well, he hadn't lost his sister at an abduction and now looked for aliens everywhere, and that would make Scully's family find him normal. And he did not have That Video Collection- well, now he didn't either, since he had handed it to Frohike. Except for two or three where there was this shorty redhead....  
  
He whimpered. And banged his head against the table. Again. And whimpered some more. He could not do this... How would he get Scully's attention when all about Nigel was absolutely wonderful? His acceptance to paranormal theories was probably due to a new-age, witch sister, and nothing else. And then, with wide eyes, Mulder lifted his head off the table.  
  
He had it. He knew who would help him. And even better... He knew that she was on his side! Grabbing his cell phone and rushing to his phone book, he started calling Melissa Scully... 


	2. Call the Witch

A/N: Thanks for the reviews! Here is when The Plan makes its appearance... mwahaha!!! ;) LOL!  
  
''Fo-... er... Mulder.'' Melissa said as she looked at the man that stood at her treshold. ''When I said that I could help you solve your problem, I did not think you would show up at midnight drunk as hell.''  
  
''You know me, always losing time... and I don't think I can read my watch... it's all blurry...'' He stared sideways at his watch, then got it very cloise to his nose, and his eyes started looking like one... Definately, he would have not seen a bus come his way if it bit him in the ass.  
  
Melissa stared at him for a second. Just how could men be so stupid? It was something that at some point she kept wondering, over and over. And still she hadn't come up with a solution, even if she had been musing since she was fifteen. Mulder kept staring at his watch and twisting around his arm to see if he got it right.  
  
''Come in before you throw up on Fluffy.'' She said, rolling here eyes and holding the door open for him as he stumbled inside and knocked over a chair on his way to the couch. He heard something clinging above him, and something cold on his head. He looked up, but there seemed to be lots of mini-Mulders staring back at him. ''Those are Zen Crystals. Break them, and I will break you .'' Melissa was too tired to be patient now...  
  
''What is a Fluffy?'' He asked, as he sat on the couch, still staring up at the crystals. ''Hey, why do you have pretty crystals hanging from the ceiling?''  
  
''They are magic sensitive.'' Melissa closed the door and locked it, sensing that he would not move from her house that night. Not as if she would let him drive like that. Dana would kill her... ''And Fluffy is the hateful rodent-thingie, this mixture between cat and lizard that the neighbour calls 'Adorable Pet'.'' Mulder was looking around without paying much attention. ''I think Fluffy is a alien.''  
  
Mulder automatically jumped. He gazed frantically around, then eyed Melissa and went up to her, closer and closer, until she was against the wall and he stood staring into her eyes two inches apart from her face.  
  
''Did you just say alien?''  
  
''Not as drunk as you look.'' Melissa smiled to herself, and Mulder sighed and sat back on the couch. Now that he started taking conscience of the place where he was, he was thinking that maybe it was not such a good idea to come.  
  
Melissa had those Magic Crystals by the windows, hanging by the lamps and sending glistening lights all over the place. The furniture of her flat had an ancient style, and the fabric that covered the armchairs and the sofa was a dark colored velvet. Figures of mythical beasts stared at him from the abundant book shelves, as if watching him. Reading over the titles of the books, he started to think that maybe Melissa was an X File herself. What if she did really work with magic?  
  
''I didn't quite catch what your job was, Mel ...'' He said, titling his head to the side as he examined the house. Everything in it was mystical. The basic aura of it....  
  
''I did not say it.'' She snapped. ''But if you want to know, I studied Cryptozoology and Mythology. I work for the WCS: Worldwide Cryptozoological Society.'' She shrugged it off. ''I didn't quite catch what your problem was.'' She said with a slight smirk. Mulder looked up at her from the couch and almost laughed at her remark. Almost.  
  
''Scully.'' He simply replied.  
  
''Ok...''Melissa sat on the couch by him, and wrapped a blanket that was by him around herself.''That can mean that you think I cursed you – not the first time it would happen-, that Bill hit you- not very unlikely, that you met Charlie- although I don't think you'd come so hurt... and finally, that my sister did something that destroyed you.''  
  
Something in Mulder got hit with that statement. Probably his Alpha Male pride. He tried to regain some of his dignity, and taking a deep breath decided that he would clear that part for her.  
  
''Actually, it did not destroy me. But you see... she is my partner at the FBI and what she does could affect us and what she is going to do now ,will surely do and....''  
  
''She ditched you.'' Melissa cut him simply.  
  
''I did not say that!'' Mulder complained.  
  
''I read your mind.''  
  
''Really???'' Mulder now stared at Melissa with wide eyes and innocent look. Melissa refrained the urge to laugh her ass off at the look on his eyes. Always looking for an X File...  
  
''She ditched you for someone else and now you want to fight back.'' She contiued. ''You want to figure out a plan to make her realise how much you love her and how much she loves you without sounding like a jealous paranoid.''  
  
''Does my mind state that too?'' Mulder asked, every time more surprised.  
  
''No, I read it on your forehead.'' She answered. ''You got it tatooed there while you were too drunk to know where you were.''  
  
The look on Mulder's eyes was priceless. He looked like a lost puppy, looking at her amazed and at the same time, now going suddenly pale. When he lifted a hand and rubbed his forehead, Melissa could not help but laugh. It was more than that... It was a roar of laughter that made the building shake. She started laughing even harder when he eyed her, hurt.  
  
''You were just kidding.'' He said and sighed.  
  
''I was, but I got things right, eh?'' She grinned at him and then rose from her seat. ''I will make some cinnamon tea, it will help you clear your mind and lessen the hangover.''  
  
''Mel...''  
  
''Missy.''  
  
''Missy is... prissy.'' He said with a slight smirk. She crossed her arms over her chest and smiled down at him incredulously. But she had to admit that he was right. ''Can I sleep here?''  
  
''Dana said you didn't sleep.'' Melissa said, sending him a look that could very well have had double meaning as she disappeared in the kitchen. ''Did she know from experience or what?''  
  
''Don't poke the wound!'' Mulder defended himself, and made a wounded, groaning sound. He had to admit that she was funny... at least when no-one was in mortal danger. He remembered the almost heart attack that he got when he saw her with her eyes closed over Scully's body with the crystal.  
  


''I've been told not to call you Fox.'' He went white as paper. Something about her was different, she saw more than the eye would meet. She saw what he was thinking. Even when he answered with cynism and pessimism, she knew what he wanted to do deep inside.  
  
For a second, when that time at his appartment she had yelled back at him, he thought for a second that she was the voice of her conscience. If that was possible... But it was. Even if he knew the federals would search his house for any information, he followed Melissa to the hospital.To Scully.  
  
And he remembered the look that Melissa sent him when he showed up. She had been with Scully during most of that day, until she decided to go fetch him, that was. He was going paranoid... more than usual. And being nervous, he had tried to push her back. And that was when her words hit him in the face. She was not going to back down, even less than he. And in Mulder's mind, that was a good point in her favour.  
  
''I am glad you could come.''She said in a bare whisper, as he nodded slightly and entered the hospital room. Melissa grabbed his arm slightly as he went in and stopped him. ''This may not mean anything to you... but it's better to let people know how you feel before they are gone.''  
  
Mulder had nodded, without really getting the full interpretation of it. He only knew that Scully was almost out of their reach. And that maybe Melissa was right. Maybe, just maybe, she coud still hear and feel them close to her. And that was something he would have to hold onto.  
  
The morning after, when he had visited Scully, Melissa had smiled when he handed Dana her golden cross. Aprobation, Mulder knew. They had been observing each other, and when that moment came, they already knew how the other thought. And that was what Mulder had remembered when he had been left alone at the basement: he needed someone who would carry out the same plan. Someone who thought the same.  
  


As he looked around the candle-filled house and as he poked his head into what seemed to be her room, he noticed two eyes staring at him. Two yellow, huge eyes from the black feline that slept on the velvet-covered, courtained, wide bed.  
  
''Fukkit! What's that!?'' Mulder thought, and jumped up to the point he thought he'd stay hanging from the lamp. The cat still stared at him, never taking his eyes off him, with a rather malicious look. The hairy, persian cat was a rather big species. That one on the bed must have weighed about six kilograms. In other words.... the cat was like a big hairball.  
  
Seeing him so freaked out there was a slight expression of malicious joy on the cat's face, or so it looked like. As if it were saying 'Mwahaha!!! I had you big time!'. He even had that vicious smile. Or so Mulder thought...  
  
But when he got nearer to take a look at it and make sure it wasn't one of the Bigfoot's children, he started feeling tired. He sat on the bed by the cat for a second and leaned against one of the fluffy pillows. He noticed how his eyes started to close... he tried to get them opened again, Melissa would be back in a minute. But there was just so much someone could take in a day...  
  
ZzZzZzZzZz.... And off to sleep. 


	3. Fancy Dinner

A/N: I am very sorry for all the delay, and thanks everyone for all the wonderful reviews. :) I really appreciate it, and I repeat that I would not mind constructive criticism or even ideas, if anyone has a good one that they would like to see here. LOL. Kuddos to everyone.  
  
Mulder slowly opened his eyes, with his vision still blurry.He felt a warm body against his own, someone he was holding onto... and remembering last night he knew that it could not be Scully. He automatically thought the worst.hehad been so damn drunk last night-that meant thatanything could have happened. Buthe would have never thought it from Melissa,who was always straight and to the point, and who probably thought of Mulder as a pessimstic pathetic loner. Maybe not that bad,since she had agreed to help him but still...  
  
With a rather big shock, he opened his eyes completely and looked down at the figure that he was hugging... that was eyeing him back with big yellow eyes and pretty pissed off face.  
  
''EEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!''  
  
Great, just great. Mulder thought. Two girly screams in a row and in less than twenty-four hours. Yay me, go figure what Mel will think.  
  
The cat was looking at him even more pissed than before, and Mulder was sure that it would get its claws out and scream ''BANZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAI!!!'' as it practiced Cat-Foo all over his face. But just as the cat looked about to jump onto him and turn him onto a hamburguer, Melissa stepped into the room.  
  
''Monster! Don't!'' The cat automatically slipped out of Mulder's grasp and his under a wardrobe, staring at them both from underneath with those glowing yellow eyes that gave Mulder the creeps. Maybe the cat was thealien he had ever had closer to himself. Hey, if cockroaches could be little green men, why not that Cat Freak?  
  
''You named that Monster?''  
  
''And it was something wise to do , judging for the way you scream.'' Melissa replied. She held out a glass with a pinkish sbstance inside to him. He titled his head to the side, as if asking what the hell that was, and Melissa was about to answer 'Cat goo' to freak him out... but felt benevolent that day. ''It's straberrymilk-shake. It will help you get rid of the hangover. I came to deliver you some tea last night but you were asleep. Well, you looked dead, actually- you didn't even move.''  
  
''How did you know I wasn't , then?''  
  
''Your hands were on my rear end while you slept.''  
  
''You mean you slept here?In the same bed?''  
  
''The bed is mine, darling, and if someone shouldhave been sleeping on the couch, it wasYOU.So you do the maths. And I had Monster to protect me.''  
  
''Hairy bodyguard.''  
  
''And dangerous.'' Melissa smiled ''That's why I love him. Now, drink that and we'll head to your appartment so you can shower and get some clothing. Come on, move!''  
  
''Wait, wait, calm down... why?''  
  
''It's almost lunch time!'' Mulder noticed that Melissa was wearing a medieval-ish looking ,soft green, wide sleeved,musketeer-style shirt, and embroidered jeans. Her hair was up and she had made herself pretty, that was clear. She was ready to go out of the house- but he doubted it was all of that to head to his house-or more like cockroach lair.  
  
''Are we going somewhere?'' Mulder asked, as Melissa started to pull him off the bed by grabbing one of his foot and pulling him by it with all her strength. He fell to the floor with a 'thud'.  
  
''Dana called a bir earlier. She wanted me to come along with her and a date- this guy you are freaked out by, I guess- and we will be late if you don't move.''She explained, and pulled his arm to make him stand. ''Gah, you men are like babies, you know.''  
  
''Wait... Harris? She is going out with Harris and she asks you to join them?'' Mulder could not believe it... this was waaaaaaaaay off place for him.  
  
''Not me, us. Since we were teens Dana and I have met the other's guy and aproved him- or ditched him. It was something like a sister pact: if one of us is making a mistake, the other one will tell her.'' He was still dazed. ''Did you not hear me? I said MOVE!''  
  
Mulder rushed to the door... because that scream had made the building shake. And he still thought that Melissa had powers. That was why he didn't want to find out himself to what point she could get angry.  
  
- - - -

''She is late.'' Scully said, shifting nervously in her seat. Melissa was not usually late unless she was into some sort of trouble. What she did not know was that the trouble was that she decided to re-arrange Mulder's house and that she had been planning on how to make the appartment look less... like a cocroach lair, had been her exact words.  
  
''Is she that one?'' Nigel asked her, pointing to Melissa that entered the restaurant with a wide, glorious grin. Scully smiled at him and nodded.  
  
''Melissa!'' She called, and hugged her. ''What happened to you? I thought you had eloped.''  
  
''Oh, never.'' Melissa started to think that she should have gotten a photo camera with her to the restaurant... because the look on Dana's face was going to be just SO good. ''I had some problems with getting here. My date didn't know where this place was and he wouldn't let me drive, so...''  
  
''Hello. Melissa, right?'' Nigel asked her with a charming smile. Melissa started to think that once Mulder was set up she would jump on him herself...but, hey, she had work to do first.  
  
''And you must be Nigel.'' She answered with a wide grin. You don't know what's comming at you, dude. She thought as they shaked hands. ''My date must be somewhere, now... there he is!'' She turned around right at the moment when Mulder entered the place.  
  
Scully almost fainted. Oh, no, this was so bad. Melissa almost laughed. Mwahahaha, gotcha! Mulder headed to them, charming as ever- or even more, and greeted them all.  
  
''Agent Mulder.'' Nigel genuinely smiled, as the two men shook hands. ''So glad to see you again.''  
  
''Ditto, Harris.'' Mulder answered with a smile. ''Shall we sit down? Oh... hello Scully.'' He said eyeing her as if nothing had happened.  
  
''Hello, Mulder.'' She said, acting as if she hadn't had a shock that almost left her epileptic. ''Yes, the table is set.''  
  
The plan is working!!! Hehehehe.... Melissa thought as Mulder lead her to the table. Scully could look indifferent at first sight, but Melissa knew better. She was thinking that it could have been her. And that was what Melissa wanted her to relize. She smiled, more to herself than to the others, as they sat down.  
  
Oh, yes. I am SO good. She mused.


	4. Fairytale Ending

A/N: Thanks for your attention... ladies, and gentlemen, it's the moment to end this fic. :) I can't believe it's my first finished fic! (One-shots aside. LOL.)

_What's taking them so goddamned long?_ Melissa clenched her fists under the table as she watched her sister pretend to be having a nice time. But in fact, she was climbing up the walls –She could tell that. The looks she was sending her weren't the friendly sort. It was more like an 'I'm going to kill you' glare.

Mulder was starting to freak out too, at this point. Nigel seemed so nice to everyone that nobody would have thought he was the 'bad guy' in here. The FBI agent chatted with him as if nothing was going on in his mind... and poor Nigel seemed to be buying it. And, now that Melissa looked at him closely, he was _very_ nice indeed.... After ten seconds (had it been minutes?), she noticed she'd been staring, and that her sister had noticed. She blinked and pretended to fix her hair, but in the brisk movement she just got to mess it even more.

She cleared her throat and licked her lips, trying to think of something to say that would get her away of this mess before her Dana killed her. As they stared in silence, the two men turned to them, surprised that they had nothing to tell each other.

''If you'll excuse me...'' Mel stood from her seat in front of the surprised looks from Mulder and Scully. She started to head to the bathroom, and much to her relief, Nigel had done the exact same thing. In a matter of two seconds, he'd caught up with her on their way upstairs to the toilets.

''What was that about?'' He asked with a casual smile.

''Hmm?'' She pretended to not know what he was telling her. ''What do you mean? There is nothing going on.''

''Right. You've done this on purpose, have you?'' He asked. Melissa blinked. Twice.

''I don't think you know anything about this, mind you. This is way beyond your comprehension.'' She tried to keep her voice cool, but there was something that was irremediably making her feel a bit odd. Maybe something she'd eaten?

''You always knew how this would end up.'' He stated. ''You are trying to set them up.'' Melissa mouthed a 'What?' that never quite escaped her lips. ''You are special. If you try hard enough, you can hear what people think. And...''

''... You can do it too.'' She finished for him. ''I knew there was something about you that I found extraordinary. You knew about my plan all along. Why didn't you say anything earlier?''

''I didn't get the chance.''

''So...'' She noticed they were stuck at the top of the staircase, there, looking like two idiots who finished each other's phrases. ''What does this mean?''

''In my opinion.... that if there is a tense silence going on down there, we'll just have to push them a bit until they realize what all of this is about.'' He started heading downstairs again. She continued to the bathroom. ''Where do you go?''

''To fix my hair.'' She answered. Nigel sent her a charming smile.

''From where I'm standing, it looks perfect.''

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Mulder and Scully were still where they'd left them. She glanced nervously at the door, or lowered her gaze to the white tablecloth, pretending that Mulder wasn't there. He was doing quite the opposite thing. He deliberately watched the red head as if it were the most interesting thing in the world – and compared to the dull restaurant, it was.

''I can't believe you did this to me.'' She said, out of the blue, as she finally turned to look at him. ''It was your way of revenge, was it?'' She sounded hurt, and keeping her voice in barely a whisper seemed to be taking her lots of effort.

''I don't know what you mean.'' He said, pretending to be innocent.

''Don't you?'' She said, slightly louder this time, making a man in the nearest table turn to look at them. She noticed he was watching and lowered her voice again. ''Missy and you seem to be getting on really well, right? And a couple of days ago you wouldn't have remembered her if you saw a case of red-haired witches!''

''Are you talking about her or you?'' He snapped back.

''Mulder, you are pushing your luck a bit too much.'' She coldly replied. ''If this is some sort of joke, stop it. And if it isn't... let's rewind all I said and pretend it never happened.'' She returned her gaze to the tablecloth and hoped that Nigel and her sister would appear at any moment.

What she didn't know was that Nigel and Mel were watching them from the door, half-hiding, listening to what they said. This sort of reaction was what they'd been wanting to see all along, and now they were not going to come in and end the private war these two were having. It didn't matter too much that some of the waiters and several people at the restaurant

Whatever they were about to do was nothing but finishing all this stupid argument, if they liked it or not. Melissa and Nigel started mentally pushing them, slowly letting all the silence and politeness go... and hope for the best.

''Who do you think will stop thinking and yell at the other first?'' Nigel asked.

''None of them.'' Melissa answered. ''All this yelling and sarcasm is only a facade. If we let them behave normally now and say what they feel, they might start to cry, you know.''

''Do you notice how evil we are by making them make fools of themselves?''

''Yes, I do. And I love it.''

''Me too.'' They both smiled. ''You know what? When I was first introduced to them I thought that they were already married. They were fighting about who was driving next and about a stop sign that apparently he'd missed. And it took them half an hour to notice I was standing there watching them!''

''Yes, sometimes they just think about themselves or each other. The rest of the world is not even there.'' Melissa continued. ''I actually got to meet Mulder while my sister was at the hospital, and well... he was so close to the nervous breakdown that he acted all strong and mean towards me.''

''Until...?''

''Until I basically psycho-analyzed him.'' She turned to look at Nigel for a second, and then quickly back to the table where Mulder and Scully were sitting. ''He was looking at me as if I'd grown another head at first. Do you know how long it took him to react to what I'd said? Three seconds.''

''A world record.''

''I know.''

And then they stopped talking because Scully had just left her seat and started heading to the door. Melissa and Nigel hid behind it so that she was unable to see them.

''Where are you going?'' Mulder asked, as he rose after her.

''Where is she going?'' Melissa hissed to Nigel.

''Home. I'm not staying here so that you can act however you want.''

''Now, this sucks.'' Nigel continued in a whisper.

''I'm not acting however I want. Wait for Nigel to come back, he won't take long.'' Mulder said.

''Pffft.'' Nigel snorted. ''How little you know, man...''

''Tell him there was an emergency at home. That an aunt died or something, I'm sure you can manage a believable lie.'' _Ouch._ Melissa and Nigel grimaced. ''Because I don't know if you are lying now, or you've been pretending all this time.''

''Pretending to care, you mean?'' Mulder answered. By now every single head in the restaurant was turned their way, but none of the agents seemed too bothered. ''I never pretend that sort of thing and you should know by now. But it really ticked me off that you ran off with some village idiot first chance you had.''

''...some village idiot!?'' Nigel started to say, but Melissa put a hand over his mouth so that they didn't ruin the scene they'd just made happen.

''It's just a way of talking!'' Melissa tried to calm him down.

''I didn't run off with anyone! It's _you_! You always seem to mess things up, don't you? You never get the hints, you never seem to _notice_!'' Scully shot back, absolutely unaware of the conversation that was going on behind the door – thank God.

''Me? Whenever I act caring you just seem to back away. You seem to turn cold and uncaring. Every time I think that all we've been through was actually for something, you say something that puts me off!'' He replied.

''Me!?''

''Excuse me, sir, madam.'' A posh English waiter said from behind them. ''But I think that this discussion should continue at home. Marital fights should not be a public matter. And that's exactly what it is at this moment.'' Mulder and Scully now noticed that everyone in the room was watching them. She paled, and he blushed considerably. ''Now, if you'll excuse me, I recommend that you finish this argument. It looks pretty clear that whatever happened was a misunderstanding.''

''More like a lack of communication.'' Mulder muttered under his breath. ''I've fought murderous Monsters, gotten into the witch's lair and tried to fight Prince Charming. This is the silliest Fairy Tale ever.''

''But hopefully it will have a happy ending.'' A little girl said from behind Mulder. He turned to look at her. She had rosy cheeks and a cute babyish face. Her blonde hair was up in two pigtails tied with pale pink ribbons, and she wore a dress of the same color. She had an illustration book in her hand and showed the last page to Mulder, the one that said 'The End' and showed a happy couple. ''See?''

''Sorry to contradict you.'' Scully told the waiter in front of everyone, who was paying attention to them – and saying how cute the little girl was. Her parents, on a near table, felt so proud. ''But you said 'marital problems'. You see, we work for the FBI, we are not married.''

''Yet.''

''What?'' Scully turned around to face Mulder with a shocked expression on her face.

''What!?'' Melissa and Nigel asked right behind them, a bit louder than they should have, poking their heads in the room to see what was happening.

''Something we'll solve... soon, I hope.'' Mulder finished. ''Now, you are right. Maybe we should leave?'' Scully still stared at him as he let the little girl trot back to her parents and he faced her again. She nodded, and as they started heading to the door, she got hold of his arm and he pulled her into a kiss. Half of the room went 'awwww'. The other half started to clap. The posh waiter said that next time this happened, he'd take it on video and sell it to the guests as a souvenir.

They finally reached the restaurant's room, and Mulder turned slightly around and called over his shoulder:

''And you two can stop hiding now!'' They left the restaurant with a smile, leaving the two telepaths there to deal with the situation.

'' So... fancy dinner and let the waiter take us in video while we make scene?''

''You read my mind.''

THE END! :D


End file.
